One of the funniest expressions of British humour by one of
Monty Python's best actors
Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.</u>
A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for
President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
**Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except
****Kansas**** , which she does not fancy).**
**Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for
****America**** without the need for further elections.**
**Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.**
**A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether
any of you noticed.**
**To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:**
**You should look up "revocation" in the ****Oxford**** English
Dictionary.**
**1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You
will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.**
**2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour'
and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix-ize will be
replaced by the suffix-ise.**
**Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').**
**3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication.**
**There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know
on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to
take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of
-ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The
Queen.**
**4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.**
**5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.**
**Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough
to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.**
**6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry
anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.**
**7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand
what we mean.**
**8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you
will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the
benefit of conversion tables.**
**Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.**
**9. The Former ****USA**** will adopt ****UK**** prices on petrol
(which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get
used to it.**
**10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call
French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on
calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are
thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with
vinegar.**
**11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will
be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. **
**South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound
the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of ****British Commonwealth**** - see what
it did for them.**
**12. ****Hollywood**** will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as good guys. ****Hollywood**** will also be required
to cast English actors to play English characters.**
**Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings
and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.**
**13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one
kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave
enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping
for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like a bunch of nancies). Don't try ****Rugby**** - the South
Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.**
**14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable
to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not
played outside of ****America****. Since only 2.1% of you are aware
that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is
understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face
the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.**
**15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.**
**16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).**
**17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups,
never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
strawberries in season.**
God save the Queen.
Only He can.
John Cleese
It makes so much sense now! XDDD
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...well...I did deliver!
(...a bit late *khm* but yeah ^^)
Santa Baby 01 -
week prompts
My Sister
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Jet/Haru week
so this just makes traveling to the UNI soooo much easier. -__- I just hope it'll get better until summer...can't miss going to Paris. 
bye 
And it's quite early too...november hasn't eaven ended yet. 
... bye! 
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